We're facebook friends in real life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize