What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
