wrigley field is MILF paradise
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
