So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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