i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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