I CAN MOONWALK!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think people are normalizing furries
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
