I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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