Kiss
Puke
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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