Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
