Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
