$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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