so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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