How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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