Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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