Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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