He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
