is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
