He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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