You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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