Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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