Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
