Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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