just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
