It's Friday. Sex?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
