Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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