what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
