"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
