Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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