There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
