so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize