Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
