While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
