So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
