That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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