I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
