Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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