Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
so much tequila, so little girl.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
