what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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