she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize