You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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