Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
