we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize