He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
