I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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