i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
