if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
