This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
