I smell stomach acid.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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