Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
