Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
