In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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