she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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