Umm I'm too high to move.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
