are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
