Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
