I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
