And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
