she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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