Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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