JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
