just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
