just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
