i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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