is your mom at the bar?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
