I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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