Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
