she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Terrible idea I love it
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize