what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
