Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They are going to name an STD after you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
