this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
