she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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