Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
