They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
