So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize