This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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