Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
