Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
