I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
