I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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