Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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