You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
