Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
