Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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