i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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