You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
