I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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