Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
