he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
two words: eviction party
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
