there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
