Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
