I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ketchup is God's man juice
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
