That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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