I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
