I accidentally had phone sex last night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
