p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found puke in my bra..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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