if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
