i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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