Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
