at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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