I'm so fucking centered right now
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Randomize
