Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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